NBC Chicago
Published July 27, 2019 16:43

By Matt Ecafasez
Staff Writer

Struggling Cubs relief pitcher Pedro Strop was designated for euthanasia today according to Cubs sources. Strop, who has the unique achievement of winning his second to last game despite blowing the save and actually lowering his ERA in his last start despite allowing several runs that cost the team a late game lead.

"We tried changing arm angles, discussions, healing crystals, meditation, and a sports psychologist, and we have had no measurable positive results" Cubs Manager Joe Maddon told reporters before Saturday's game against the Milwaukee Brewers, "and after a discussion with (GM Jed) Hoyer and Theo (Epstein) we determined that euthanasia was the best thing for Pedro and for the Cubs".

Epstein met with reporters immediately after Maddon left to fill out a lineup card with a Burnt Sienna colored crayon and told reporters that they first pursued a trade. "Yeah, we initially attempted to find a trade partner, I mean I thought that maybe a change of scenery would be good for Pedro, but the best offer we got for him was a 20lb bag of Milorganite. I mean, everyone knows Milwaukee is completely full of shit already and now they're just trying to give it away, and we didn't think Pedro would appreciate a trade for such a common commodity. After discussions with his agent and his family, we all decided that a lethal injection would be the most peaceful and respectful way to end his time with the Chicago Cubs."

"We will miss Pedro and we will cherish the time he had with the Cubs" commented Chairman Tom Ricketts "but this shit needs to end and needs to end right fucking now. I just can't stand watching his dumbass point to the sky after fucking up another lead. I mean for fucks sake, road leads don't grow on trees and he's giving them away like welfare checks."

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Good luck to him...

I wonder if any of the experts simply told him to wear his hat straight. That may solve all of it.


Thank God I don't have to hear Coom-Dog call him "Stropy" 52 times per broadcast anymore. There's no doubt about it.



Where is Coom-Dog these days?

wasn't their some former regular poster on this board who had an affinity for euthanasia?

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Well? We're waiting!

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

ahhh, so I wasn't just imagining it.

Coom-dog is possibly the worst offender when it comes to adding a Y to the end of a players name.

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Just chillin' like Garret Quillin.

This

he was on tonight, why?

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The youth in Asia seem pretty angry lately:

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

Thoughts and prayers

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Why is this guy still given the ball?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

fuck!

beautiful!

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

It's almost like Maddon was trying to figure out how to lose the game. They won't give him an extension......he is gonna be done as manager here as soon as the season ends.......so, here ya go....Pedro Strop! Then let me put guys like Norwood and Underwood in high leverage situations they shouldn't be used in too. Terrible.

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Go Cubs!!!!

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"Now comes good sailing. Moose. Indian."