Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
Nas wrote:
I've let everyone who could matter know for years that I don't want to be in a senior facility. If I become a major burden on my family I'll end it myself.
Another thing about this is that it's really important to make what you want very clear to your family members/caretakers. Both of my parents were really different when it came to end-of-life issues. My dad was dying of cancer and weighed about 85 pounds and he would have done anything to live another day.
When my mom was not doing well, she had a doctor appointment and it was almost impossible to get her dressed. When I finally did, she was complaining and almost refusing to go. So I took her back upstairs and went to her appointment by myself to talk to the doctor. I asked him what we should do. He said, "Well, you know she is completely uncooperative when I put her in the hospital for tests. There are so many things wrong and without tests it's hard to know how to best treat her." I asked, "What do we do?" He suggested hospice. That kind of took me by surprise. I asked if she was that close to dying. The doctor said, "Who can really say about something like that? She has a lot of things wrong with her. I'm not supposed to recommend hospice unless the prognosis is for six months or less..." Then he asked me if I thought she had six months. I hadn't really come to terms with that, but we both agreed that it probably wasn't likely.
Then he said to me, "In some cases you have to wonder about whether it's the patient who doesn't want treatment or if it's family members pushing that. Your mother has been my patient for a long time and I'm well aware of what she wants. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard her say how she doesn't want anyone trying to keep her alive." We both kind of laughed about it because that was my mom.
Like your father, I want every second I can get, but I don't want to live after losing my memory or not being able to do basic things for myself.
I know even if you make things clear, you can have a selfish family member who doesn't want you to go. I was that selfish man with my grandmother. I would look her in her eyes and tell her to "Keep fighting!"
Alzheimer's had made her a shell of herself, but it was as if she could sense my pain, she would ALWAYS say "Okay, Nas." When I was finally made peace because I saw she was suffering and said my thank yous and goodbye, she died a couple of days later. That was never lost on me.
That's why if I feel the mental slippage or have some condition that's worsening, I don't want anyone in my family to spend a significant amount of time providing care. Especially when I am too prideful to want it and confident that I will be abused in a home.